The audacity of authenticity

Introspection as a compass.

Sketch by the writer ©

“I don’t like this; wait, why am I here again?” - a journal entry/reflection following minutes of doomscrolling on Instagram.

In summer, I started to pick them up as clues: these fragments that make up my being, that make up myself.

I started to notice how things made me feel. Daily walks - productive. Time with friends and family - content. Time alone - at ease.

As autumn rolled around, I started to consolidate the data.

Be yourself: we’re often told. But the how is often left out. How can you be what you don’t know?

For example, did you know the arrangement of cells in your tongue is unique to you? Or that 60% of your body is made of water?

Okay, clearly, this isn’t what is meant.

This year was the closest I got to the answer.

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Authenticity = self awareness + action

I must commend humans. We’ve created this elaborate civilization where we can be any shiny *insert occupation here* that we want. We build skyscrapers and file taxes and create amazing music — everything to get the world (system) turning on its metaphorical axis.

But we often ignore our own rich internal world.

How often do we stop to examine our reactions, interests and feelings?

To me, this is the best place to start with authenticity. After all, emotions are messengers, on a spectrum.¹ Even the uncomfortable ones, especially the uncomfortable ones.

Perhaps we sometimes ignore them because we want to be accepted by society, and rightfully so. Without social integration, we might as well be destitute. So we shove and suppress and stifle and swallow our ‘negative’ emotions.

I often ignored them because it was uncomfortable to confront my vulnerability to the full range of human messiness.

Sometimes, who we currently are doesn’t align with who we want to be or, even more confusing, who we think we are.

My resistance to, first of all, the acknowledgement of certain truths, acceptance and consequent change led me to be stuck in old ways that never served me.

We might fool everyone else, but we’re the ones who have to live with the length and breadth of the reality.

Something has to give.

Bó bá kọ'wájú sí ọ, ko tá. Bó bá kọ̀'yìn sí ọ, ko tá. Bó bá kù'wọ nìkan, kó tun èro ara rẹ pa - a Yoruba saying.²

Although this proverb from my people functionally translates to realizing that, ultimately, you are responsible for your resolutions, this is its essence: the responsibility to know falls on you.

But there’s no knowledge to draw from when we haven’t also tended to our inner well.

This knowledge spreads into other facets of living as well, such as relationships and business. For example, I’ve seen this in brands that you can tell are so integral to their owners and feel believable: think Kim Kardashian’s Skims or Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen’s The Row.

Second only to the power of decision³ in my opinion, there is something divine about authenticity.

But it’s not enough to know, we must also act.

Authenticity = self awareness + action

And while easier said than done, it’s very doable.

Start with the little things till you build enough confidence and trust for the bigger.

As per my above journal entry, I had to be honest with myself about how that specific social media app made me feel mostly anxious and how I no longer wished to participate.

So after a while, I did something that was surprisingly not too difficult: I got rid of it.

I felt lighter.

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Vulnerability with self is the antidote to discontentment

This new year, and beyond, I encourage you to do the often hard but deeply rewarding and necessary work of telling the truth to yourself. It will require openness to new experiences, a keen sense of observation and consistent checking in with self.

Don’t worry about compromise and tolerance, you will find room for it. Because in understanding ourselves, we create space for others to exist in their individuality.

Time is an ally; what can your life look like in just one year if you had the audacity to be authentic?

1. Emotion wheel.

2. Literal translation: “Hit it or shoot it when it (perhaps, an animal?) is facing you. Hit it when it is backing you. If you are left alone to consider the matter, do what makes the most sense to you.”

3. ”But Daniel made up his mind that he would not defile (taint, dishonour) himself with the king’s finest food or with the wine which the king drank; so he asked the commander of the officials that he might [be excused so that he would] not defile himself.” - ‭‭Daniel‬ ‭1‬:‭8‬ ‭(AMP‬‬)